Written by Josh Petrel
1). Knights of the Knight (1-0)
While not present for the best weekend of the year, Alex has managed to make his presence known far throughout the lands of the BBC. Originally facing scrutiny for not “consolidating his assets,” Alex has proven many of those managers erroneous. Derick “suck my nuts” Henry was a literal horse, CMC (in my opinion), is the best player in fantasy, and the Watson-Hopkins connection was flourishing. As a result, we saw a record setting 177 fat ones posted on Alex’s scorecard. Congrats! I hope nothing terrible happens to your team.
2). Kig Bahunas (1-0)
I’ll start here: I have never met anyone, ever, in any capacity, for any reason, ever, who has had more luck in Fantasy Football than Grant “may the wolves be in the hills and the women in our beds” Kovac. When Dak Prescott leads the fantasy week in scoring, and Mark Ingram and Alshon Jeffrey combine for 4 TD’s…something bigger is at work. That being said, Grant’s Bahunas are Kig and he had a great week scoring 133 fat ones. If Melvin Gordon signs, I am quitting the BBC. P.S. thanks to Chuck and Katy for sacrificing their house, their literal love shack bed (those kinky dogs), and their grass. The best weekend of the year, may it never die.
3). Voodoo Mama JuJu (1-0)
Steve scored 110 fat ones this week. He got average production out of his two great WR’s and got a literal 0 from Alex’s favorite player, Devonta Freeman. Not only this, but Steve went against his heart in choosing LAMAR ACTION JACKSON (LAJ) and it paid off. Steve made an incredible move to get Chris Carson from Stephen post-draft…wow does that deal look good (Carson is better than Nick Chubb Eric, you asshat). Similarly, Evan Engram could be the top TE in fantasy this year and Lat Murray is good for 8-10 a week. Will LAJ’s production continue? Will Devonta be horrible? Will his WR’s show up? Things to monitor moving forward, but this week Steve comes in at #3.
4). Grilled Brees Sandwich (0-1)
While everyone in the league feels the need to constantly talk about how I assemble my roster, GRILLED BREES SANDWHICH put up the 3rd highest scoring week in the BBC with 113 fat ones. The problem? Grant scored a fucking 133 points. Of course he did…that bastard. Even though I took the L, I still believe I had the 3rd or 4th best week in fantasy for week 1. Gurley rushed for 100 and looked spry, Alvin is an absolute freakshow, Devin Singleterry is a flex play and the emergence of Courtland Sutton looks promising. All in all, it could have been a lot worse. I look to save my season against YARVARD U in week 3…given that I already know I am 0-2 as I play Alex this week.
5). Yarvard U (1-0)
What a week for Yarvard U! Class is most certainly in session. Stephen trusted Will Lutz to bring home his victory and boy did he deliver. Wentz and Bell were superb, and Mark Andrews was a great play (top 10 TE potential). Its early, but the Chris Carson trade for Mike Evans could prove costly due to TB’s horrific QB play. Carson is really good. Jones and Kerryon will probably be fine but are certainly worth monitoring moving forward. Stephen looks to go 2-0 in his upcoming matchup with Grant.
6). The Cluster Screw (0-1)
While many of the BBC owners ripped Jaws for his questionable decision making in the draft (and man, were there some questionable moves) …JAWS put up a whopping 104 points in week 1! Earl can thank Tom for opening his eyes to Ekeler being available at #47. As soon as Tom thought he had him, Earl pipes in from a bathroom in Palmer and says, “hey I think 47 is mine” and the rest is history. Earl scored 104 points this week but certainly has concerns. The KC backfield is now cluttered, his WR’s don’t make you feel great and Saquon has to deal with an inept offense all year. I have JAWS behind some other teams as I like their roster makeup more. However, it is a team to monitor moving forward. P.S. we missed you at the draft and I’m sorry for calling you a little Bitch.
7). Mayfield of Dreams (0-1)
Tom comes in 2nd for the ‘Most Fortunate Fantasy Owner’ award. He’s been high in the lottery almost every year and it’s absurd that he made out unscathed from the clusterfuck of Antonio Brown. He also somehow comes out totally fine in instances where he literally forgets the keeper selection. Cool! He does draft well, and boy did he hit on Dalvin Cook. The upside for Tom: he drafted two Patriots WR’s that have top 15 fantasy potential…and Dalvin Cook. The downside for Tom: is the gaping hole he has in his 2nd RB slot. He scored 101 this week, but roster makeup has him in the bottom half of the BBC.
8). # Hustlin (0-1)
First things first, I want to congratulate Ethan on his first ever funny team name. Its only taken 7 years, but we are finally here. Second things second, congrats on the girl from Texas A&M. If you guys are making out and you find yourself wanting to dry-hump her…just know you should probably stop. Anyways, brutal loss this week. That being said, there are some bright spots on this team. Thielen is a star, and Marlon Mack…wow. Concerns for Ethan include: The Bears split backfield, the Arizona offense, and Baker Mayfield. In all seriousness though, keep us updated on the lady front. P.S. I know you will read this and immediately disagree with my fantasy analysis about your team. When you realize David Montgomery is an actual issue…come back to this post.
9). Yo Adrians (1-0)
I write this every year. I have never met a more petty and annoying individual than Eric. You would have thought that I literally committed actual homicide for taking the Bears D in the 12th round ahead of Desean Jackson in the 13th. Eric is big on history so here is some history for you: he hasn’t made the playoffs in two years and he’s never won a BBC title. He also likes stats so here are some stats for you: his team produced the 2nd fewest points this week at 69. Nick Chubb (the praised top 5 RB), plays behind a bad O-Line and is currently the 21st RB in our league. In other news, Tyreek Hill is out 6-8 weeks according to reports and Joe Mixon is hurt and on one of the league’s worst teams. Everything is fine though, guys.
10). Prison Mike’s Dementors (0-1)
Well folks, ‘The Vein’ found himself in yet another precarious fantasy situation. Coming out of the draft, Justin left with good feelings…and then week 1 happened. In summary: Cam Newton is bad, Leonard Fournette continues to haunt Justin for the second year in a row, the Falcons offense looked like a nightmare and James Connor played with his head up his ass. Brutal. While this is all true, he does have hope knowing that it can’t get worse. He will get production out of Devonte, Ertz and Julio. In my opinion, the main questions surround Connor and Fournette. In terms of moving on to next week…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq9xATm03qQ