Written by Steve Ellis
1). Knights of the Knight (1-1)
Alex, you’re a Dad! Congrats! Can’t wait to meet Big Willy. I’m happy he entered the world this week and overshadowed your team’s performance, because your team sucked a Dixie Normous. This will probably be the lowest score this team will have all year if they can all stay healthy. I still don’t see any holes on this team and his depth is encouraging in case of any injuries. Don’t forget to put a wipe on the lil guys penis! He will pee on you.
2). Kig Bahunas (1-1)
Grant is humbled this week as he takes a lesson in losing from YARVARD U. Stephen wanted me to tell you that “CLASS IS IN SESSION.” Regardless of the loss this week, this team remains solid with depth at the WR position and Zeke is Zeke. Will Gordon sign? Will OJ Howard put up more than 1 point? Also.. play Sony Michel against the Dolphins. Zeke + Dak could score this team 100 pts this week as the Dolphins have more than given up and are beginning to fire sell their team. Welcome to the Steelers, Minkah!
3). Voodoo Mama JuJu (2-0)
It feels good to remain undefeated, am I right Stephen? Here are some answers to Josh’s write up last week: Will LAJ’s production continue? Yes, unfortunately he plays for the Ravens and is very good. Will his WRs show up? OBJ! Will Devonta be horrible? Definitely possible. Engram came back down to Earth this week, but continues to be a top target in the offense. New questions for this team: Will Carson play a game without fumbling the ball? Will Hollywood continue producing? Can Mason Rudolph take over this offense? Will any of the backs on my bench get a start due to injury? I could have some major issues on my bye weeks as my depth is not great.
4). Yarvard U (2-0)
With all of the trash talk this week between Yarvard U and Kig Bahunas, Stephen gets to end it with a “CLASS IS IN SESSION!” Having tough matchups, Aaron Jones and Kerryon Johnson were left on the bench. It has to be encouraging to see points being put up by both as this owner was starting to sweat the Carson trade. Bell is an absolute horse on the field and as long as the Jet’s backup’s backup (don’t even know his name) remains on the field they are going to run him into the ground. Evans and Diggs have both had a bit of a shaky start, but are stars on the field, so it’s only a matter of time before one or both have a monster week.
5). The Cluster Screw (1-1)
Earl comes out with the highest score of the week as every single player (except Shady) came to play. This team has a three headed monster in Mahomes, Barkley, and Ekeler (for now). Earl does things that just looks so dumb in the moment and then end up becoming gold… I guess that’s why he’s earned manager of the year in the past. Mahomes that early doesn’t look so dumb as he continues to put up numbers he did last year. Earl was doing the Vance Dance this week, but 2 TDs won’t continue and he has some decisions to make weekly at the WR/FLEX position. Earl, you should probably play Tom Brady over Mahomes again this week.
6). Prison Mike’s Dementors (1-1)
Justin is given life this week as he makes good on his promise… “I am going to drink the blood of Shula’s dead corps after I’m finished with him!” As Justin already pointed out, he would have still won the week without the massive 36 pts from the Pats D/ST this week. Look for them to put up another solid week against the Jets in Foxborough, woof. If Fournette and Conner can end up playing to their potential, this team could be very good. Looking at this team more, I don’t really see any holes outside of the QB spot, but QBs can be picked up weekly. If Conner’s knee is worse than we know, RB could become an issue.
7). Grilled Brees Sandwich (1-1)
Josh’s ability to see NFL news and react at a pace unlike any other member in the bbc won him the week. Some would say this is good management… most would never admit it and somehow give Earl the credit. Kamara takes a blow due to the Brees injury, but I believe he will be fine, but what are we going to get from Gurley the rest of the season? Josh needs some serious help at the WR position (as always), loses Brees, and paid $70 for a TE that gave him 1 catch for 7 yards this week. It’s never a good sign to see your kicker and D/ST carry you to a win, but a win is a win.
8). Mayfield of Dreams (0-2)
Tom has the worst start of his career at 0-2 (I don’t know if this is true, but it’s probably true). There is one player in this league that I truly hope goes down with an awful injury and his name is Antonio Brown. Unfortunately, he is on Tom’s roster and will probably stay healthy and will not get suspended for any of the absurd and awful things he’s done. Part of me wishes he was on Justin’s or Stephen’s roster so he can get hurt. Although I hate him, AB is good and Cooks will provide production, but this team is very weak at RB. Outside of Dalvin, this team could hurt week to week at the RB position.
9). Yo Adrians (1-1)
I took a dump on Eric’s team this week winning by 40 pts. Thank you for Ridley! Injuries have been the death of this team and week 2 he takes another hit with the Brees injury. Desean is also banged up, but he has the depth at WR to overcome that. If Eric can make it through the next couple weeks pulling out some wins, this team could be dangerous in the second half of the season (dependent on players returning). While I enjoyed smashing your team this week, I am thankful for the work you put in to set up our site and make sure everyone understands Auction. Eric is in for another tough matchup against the KIG BAHUNAS as Grant has Dak and Zeke against the Dolphins. Again, thank you for Minkah!
10). # Hustlin (0-2)
Shula comes in as the other team to start of 0-2. You can even say 0-3 as the league has voted for Auction for 2020. Shula, take some time to look at it… I think your opinion will change or at least soften toward the idea. This team is hard to judge as I think there are players that can really put up points, but if they don’t all hit that week it’s going to look average as it has. Shula needs some help at the WR position and looks to stream the TE and QB position. A strong and healthy return from AJ Green would be big for #Hustlin. Shula does get an encouraging week from Montgomery getting 18 touches on the ground. Josh could end up regretting his statement on him from last week.