1). THE MINORMOUS GELONS (3-2)
Although he remains at the top of the leaderboard, his team sucked something awful this week. In fact, his performance rivals the Steelers being molly-whopped at home.. by the Jaguars.. led by Blake Bortles.. This team is RB dependent and when Elliot, Hunt, & Howard goose egg the end zone department, trouble will ensue. The only thing this manager did right this week was sit Ben Roethlisberger, who, impressively threw 5 INT’s. Good Lord. Will this manager know better than to play a defense against the 5-0 Chiefs? We’ll see. Is his team too unbalanced? We’ll see. Welcome back to planet earth, Grant.
2). Prison Mike’s Riot Squad (3-2)
Justin’s team is back and his penis is still as large as ever. This week he was actually forced to bench Michael Thomas & DT so no mistakes could be made there… He did well to fill the gaps with a big performance from Aaron Jones, a critical FA pick up to replace Ty Montgomery. Justin’s production from the RB position is average as I’m still not convinced Beast Mode is what he once was.. Although AJ Green is out with a BYE, consider this team 4-2 as Justin will likely straighten Captain Hook. Also, who the hell is Harrison Butker? It doesn’t matter because he scored 21 points this week.
3). Ring Your Bell! (4-1)
It honestly pains me to place this team at number 3, only because its Shula and he’s a Jew. Literally no one thinks your team name is as clever as you think it is. Speaking of Bell, your team did well despite a below average performance from the super star. You can’t argue with the record, but you can certainly question his opponents as they’ve only averaged 65.6 points against his team. I’m pretty sure Todd McKinley’s team would be 4-1 too so don’t get too excited proclaiming “Ring Your Bell!” to under-aged women. The truth of the matter is, Shula’s team is good especially when Davante Adams gets resurrected from the dead.
4). Yarvard U (3-2)
Well, it looks like the Jets tried to FREE BILAL, but he quickly got injured. And speaking of people with the last name “Powell”, why is Miss Jena Powell such a mystery to the BBC? We are all curious. Schindler, your running backs are really bad. Frank Gore is 40 years old and I’m not sure he’s good for the expected 10-11 points anymore. The Crow looks like what we’d expect on an 0-5 team. LeGucci Blunt is probably your best back, you should play him. Let’s hope that Jerick McKinnon can repeat performances like last night – great pick up. Is it time to deal one of your stud receivers to balance your team? Regardless, we remain in uncharted waters with Schindler having a winning record at 3-2 and we should celebrate.
5). Dixie Normous (2-3)
I’m not even sure where to begin with this team. I was actually impressed that you were able to lose against Captain Hook’s horrendous team. Dixie Normous was once on the rise, but are we witnessing this team going flaccid? Maybe. Alex is a 2X BBC Champ (alongside Grant “hoes gon’ be hoes” Kovac). This fact coupled with the return of Gronk, Freeman, and Julio in coming week gives Alex some hope within this dark time. Will Alex start to divest his Patriots and Falcons stock? It might be wise, because it is certainly not working.
6). Grande Se Cador (2-3)
Tom certainly was not intimidated by the girth displayed by THE MINORMOUS GELONS in the weeks prior, as he posted a season high 104 points. Taking a deeper dive into this performance, Tom received touchdowns from 6 of his 9 players. That’s 66% production if you carry the one.. Unfortunately, while he can celebrate the win this week, he will also be mourning the loss of OBJ. And for Tom’s sake, lets also hope Todd Gurley isn’t relapsing back to the 2016 season. Tom remains at #6 in the rankings until his record shows otherwise.
7). The Cluster Screw (3-2)
Earl, you continue to amaze, both in your fantasy football performances and your ability to woo beautiful women. Merrily is out of your league. Well done, you Alaskan mountain man! Your team went hambone capone with DeAndre and Deshaun at the helm. Don’t expect Deshaun to consistently throw 5 touchdowns, but that might just happen against Cleveland. We will see how Earl adjusts his roster with Shady on BYE. Earl’s team still has a lot of holes and for that reason, he rests at #7 in the rankings.
8). I am RORY (1-4)
It pains me to even talk about this team, as his antics of giving up after three weeks still pisses off all the members of the heralded BBC. This team would probably be in a different position if Josh hadn’t made the worst trade of the 2017 season. Besides his receivers and tight end, this team is not bad at all. The Miller/Martin/Fournette trio is impressive, especially with Fournette running train on the Steelers. He may not be in playoff contention, but don’t overlook this team as you try to improve your own record. Oh, and hey Josh, call me back.
9). Yo Adrians (1-4)
Eric finally played Chris Hogan. Nice job man! Unfortunately for you, there are other positions in fantasy football besides WR. But even if you had enough slots to play your receivers, you’d still suck because all your WR’s are inconsistent. Eric, it’s time to make a move.
10). Captain Hook and Ladder (3-2)
It’s a miracle that you are 3-2 with the roster that you have.. Almost all of your players are “questionable” for this upcoming week. This team needs to make moves ASAP because Justin is coming to town.. It may be time for AB84 to throw a tantrum on someone else’s roster.