Happy football! I’d like to be the last to say “Congratulations” to YARVARD U for cheating and buying his championship last year. As I always say, best of luck to all of you, except for when you play me. On to the rankings! – Alex Scott
1). I AM RORY
Nothing new here. Josh once again managed to acquire half of the top backs available in the draft, a position that seemingly have fewer quality players with each passing year. If ESPN allowed, he would roster 16 RBs. His starting lineup is very strong, but his team has the depth of a kid’s pool. Injuries have the potential to derail anyone’s season, but this team is particularly susceptible. If healthy, his team will probably earn a bye. If not, we may hear clamoring for the 2019 lottery in November.
2). Captain Hook and Ladder
Ellis is coming off a year where he tried to lose, and yet still won games. (Those results should embolden Justin to continue with his current strategy.) Steve features one of the league’s strongest rosters, with the best RB duo in the BBC: Zeke and Gurley. Barring injury, his ceiling is a bye, and his floor .500. If he can get adequate WR2 production, this has the potential to be an unstoppable team. Perhaps Captain Hook will finally straighten things out this year and erect a championship banner.
3). Grande Se Cador
PSA: cell phones have this brand-new functionality called texting. Due to his lack of responses to trade requests and other fantasy texts, half the league suspected Tom to be dead. The Big Dreyer dispelled all rumors with authority as he turned in a very strong draft class. The biggest question mark surrounding this team remains Bell’s willingness to play football. His absence could quickly turn one of the league’s best teams into one that struggles to make the playoffs. But good luck contacting him for a trade if his team goes in the tank. You may want to try a telegram, Morse Code, or smoke signals. Just don’t try to text him.
4). Nick’s Got a Chubb
Finally, a quasi-creative team name. Although any male that’s hit puberty could’ve devised this moniker, it’s still a refreshing departure from “MORE ICE” and “Where is Bell ?”. Shula has amassed one of the league’s best rosters. (Perhaps sitting in a different area code from everyone else while drafting allowed him to focus better.) Kamara represents perhaps the best value at keeper in the league, and Ethan drafted very well. He continued the tradition of taking a defense 9 rounds too early, leading to the forfeiture of depth and a very shaky bench. For all the crap that he gets, Shula has actually had three very successful seasons in the league. Maybe this will be the breakthrough year for him.
5). Yo Adrians
Death, taxes, and Eric having a bad keeper. Eric can’t seem to keep a formidable player on his roster from year to year. His RB tandem of Ajayi and Collins is completely devoid of star power. He stands to get absolutely eviscerated at the RB positions each week. Eric’s team does, however, possess elite WR talent. Brown and Diggs may be the best pair of starting receivers in the league, which should afford Eric the opportunity to maintain his status as an average manager. On the bright side, he did avoid taking 19 straight pass catchers in the draft this year.
6). Dixie Normous
After a dismal 2017 campaign, Dixie Normous looks to bounce back in 2018. And with an RB2 like Dion Lewis, what’s not to like about this team? This team is so deep at RB that Isaiah Crowell can’t even crack the starting lineup. (Let that sink in for a second.) Alex has outstanding WRs, but needs things to break his way with Mark Ingram or one of his expendable wideouts so he can trade for a viable back. This team has 7-6 written all over it, but that may be a welcome sight after two pathetic seasons in a row.
7). The Cluster Screw
Earl, the latest member of the BBC to lose his virginity, has fielded an unorthodox yet solid roster. Living in a state nicknamed “The Last Frontier,” Jaws is all about pioneering new ground, whether that be geographically, by taking 17 weeks of vacation in two years at Gentex, or with his roster. He could become the first manager to consistently start a TE in his flex position. While my predilections for a flex do not align with Earl’s, I can see a scenario where this strategy serves him well. He lacks a top-tier RB, and need help at WR2, but Rob Kelly and Adrian Peterson are both poised for breakout years. (Matt Jones is still available if those two guys don’t work out.) With anticipated elite tight end production, this team should make the playoffs, but as presently configured, Earl will need help to win the title.
8). DUGE HICK
One of two owners to claim multiple titles, DUGE HICK looks to rise once again in 2018. His keeper, Jordan “Big Dick” Howard, is arguably on the weaker end of the spectrum. Grant will need a big year from OBJ and Desean Watson to mask some of his weakness at RB. He does, however, have a secret weapon stashed on his bench: Dez Bryant. Grant is also rumored to have his sights set on Colin Kaepernick to fill his still vacant final bench spot.
9). Prison Mike’s Riot Squad
In search of his first playoff appearance since graduating college, Justin enters 2018 with reasonably high hopes. The injury to McKinnon will doubtless set his squad back, but Justin’s confidence remains unshaken, evidenced by his utter lack of urgency in replacing him with a free agent. This team has the potential for viability. He has decent backs and receivers, as well as football’s equivalent of the Iron Man at TE: Jordan Reed. As of this writing, Reed already finds himself on the injury report. With a baby on the way in November, Justin will need to start hot to protect against the inevitable slippage fatherhood will bring.
10). Yarvard U
Stephen had an uneventful draft day. After practically selling his left testicle for players last year, he was left with only 13 picks. While this appears to be the weakest team by a fair margin, the face of the CU MBA managed to draft well with what he was given. He’ll need some good fortune to compete this year, but he could scratch and claw his way to a 6 seed. But even if he does go 1-12, he’ll be the first to tell you that the title was worth it.