Written by 4x Most Hated Manager, Josh Petrel!
1). Captain Hook and Ladder (1-0)
Thanks to Le’Veon Bell and his stupid ass ways, my game against Steve was over before it started. Conner touched the ball 36 times against the Browns. 36 times. For a moment, Steve held his breath as Davante Adam’s value was about to plummet. But then Rodgers literally resurrected his own leg during halftime and all worry went away. In short, strongest team top to bottom. The Dallas offense looks putrid, but Zeke didn’t seem affected. As long as Le’Veon sits his stupid ass out, Steve could be on pace for a record season.
2). Dixie Normous (1-0)
On draft weekend Alex reminded us all of his famous quotes: “Freeman sucks.” “I never know what I will get from Freeman and Tevin Coleman.” “Not completely certain my team is that strong.” Well, Freeman will be fine, Tevin Coleman is actually good and Tyreek Hill is the fastest human being I have ever seen. Combine Tyreek with JJ, AJ and Dion Lewis looking really good, Alex has an incredible core. Can he continue to get RB production out of Lewis? Will he even read these power rankings? Probably not.
3). Nick’s Got a CHUBB (1-0)
Alvin Kamara is literally a freak show and Shula is reaping the rewards. The scary part is that Kamara only rushed it 7 times but caught 500 passes all for TD’s. Michael Thomas is also a freak and thus, Shula has started rooting for NOLA more than the Steelers. Dalvin will probably be fine, but Lat is taking carries- could be something to watch. Amari Cooper still blows. Either way, this team is good and Ethan had another good draft day for the 4th consecutive season.
4). Yo Adrians (1-0)
After not touching the rock for the entire first half, Jay won Eric his week by finishing with 20 points. Obviously, Eric proclaims to have known about Jay the “entire time” explaining to many how he “always knew.” Right. Moron. Alex Collins will be better and he’s got two great WR’s. His RB production will be something to watch moving forward.
5). I Am Rory (0-1)
Overall, solid performance from my team. If I was smart, I would have started a kicker and scored over 100 this week. But I keep forgetting we are now doing auction style WW and that’s that. RB’s are good, and had a strong outing from TY. The Olsen injury blows and my WR2 production will also be something to monitor.
6). Yarvard U (0-1)
His best draft performance to date paid off. Mixon looks solid and Royce will be a fine #2. His best choice, Chris Thompson, was a steal and reminded us all that he is good and exists. Stephen had production from Landry and Fitz and ROBBY ANDERSON. Scoring 99 with Thompson on the bench…this team could very well be a playoff team. I probably like my roster a little bit better, but could have easily swapped our spots in this week’s PR.
7). The Cluster Screw (0-1)
I probably would have put Tom here, but he started Ben on the road and made the mistake of staring the Saints D who scored him -6. Both stupid decisions. Also, it was a stupid decision to draft Le’Veon even though I told him it was a bad idea. So go me. Tom will go to the grave with Le’Veon and it will inevitably screw him over because he is too stubborn to trade him. All Pittsburgh insiders don’t believe he will be back before week 7. So, take comfort in that it’s only 6 more weeks until that time, Tom. Earl’s team is fine.
8). Grande Se Cador (0-1)
Tom made a reprehensible decision to play Ben on the road and also played the Saints D. The Saints D scored him -6 points. It was also a bad decision to draft Le’Veon so that goes against him-poor managing. His Flex has issues and Hyde probably won’t continue to produce given that Tyrod sucks so teams will load the box and Hyde will be screwed. Also- I haven’t spoke to him, but I’m sure he is defending the Browns performance on Sunday. Well, a sure sign of mediocrity is being happy when your team ties another team after 6 turnovers. Yeah, the Browns are back. Again, Earl’s team is fine. Did I mention Tom will inevitably let Le’Veon screw him over because he won’t trade him at some point in the future?
9). DUGE HICK (0-1)
Only scoring 74 points puts “G-spot” at number 9 in this week’s PR. Some positive notes here: Jordan Howard looks good, OBJ is a stud, and Drew Brees is back. Some negative notes here: Kenyan Drake plays for a Miami based team and Frank Gore is stealing carries. Chris Hogan, probably irrelevant in NE. Delanie Walker, hurt, Doug Baldwin, hurt. Also, for the first time in what seems to be a century… Grant is dealing with injury. Will be interesting to see what moves ‘DUGE HICK’ will make moving forward. Unrelated, Grant is seeing ‘Baby Girl’ this weekend so keep it flaccid my man!
10). Prison Mike’s Riot Squad (1-0)
Well, Justin made the staggering move yesterday morning by spending $50 on Phillip Lindsay. What’s even more staggering is that Justin has him on his bench. Justin from weeks 2-13 now has a total of $150 to spend…or if he wants, he can spend $50 on three different players. Keenan Allen is good, though. Fournette is hurt…Lynch plays in a really bad offense…Derick Henry…bleh. But he does have Phillip Lindsay!